Mikenna Elizabeth

Photobombers!

2008-06-17T11:22:00.001-07:00

The inspiration comes from this slideshow I saw on Digg.
(note: some of the photos are "suggestive" and/or inappropriate. If I could edit the slideshow myself and delete those photos, I would.)

This was taken at my wedding.

This is my brother's photo from Displace Me 2007. (If you can't see it, look at the left foot of the lizard.)

Where is my motivation coming from?

2008-06-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

"If my reason ever shifts towards the cause of humanity, I will be broken. But if motivation is drawn from my love of God, nothing will hinder me from serving." -Unknown

I found that quote in a magazine. I photocopied the page. It had a really cool photo with it, but I ended up just cutting it and kept the quote part.

It's really got me thinking lately. Sometimes I think, when it comes to serving, I'm not focused enough on the people. I'm too selfish. Whether it's getting a sub call for Heartwood in a class that I despise working in because the kids are actually scary...or if it's getting a phone call asking me to fill in for someone for RivBuddies. Sometimes I really have to think about it and contemplate it because I have my own selfish desires. Not other plans (though that is sometimes the case), but just other wants. For example, I just want to stay at home and watch a movie with my husband (that would be on a day where he doesn't work, either). Or I just plain "don't feel like it."

It's at those moments when I'm not focused on the people...the need. But this quote suggests a focus on GOD and my love for Him. Because when we serve others, we're really serving Him, right?

And I think when my "reason is drawn from my love of God", the rest will follow.

Jehova Jirah [God Our Provider]

2008-06-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged a lot lately. Things got really crazy with the wedding, then the honeymoon, and settling into our new life together.

So, there's this passage in the Bible. I've heard it many times...I've read it many times. Both to others and myself for comfort, a reminder, but most of all--hope.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."

On our honeymoon, we got the news that our church (www.rivchurch.com) was going to be getting rid of some furniture because of the new building. We'd already requested to get one of the couches a few months ago, but the decision on whether or not they were going to keep them was not final yet. Come to find out, they were also getting rid of the coffee tables and end tables, which we then asked if we could get one of each, and we did.

At church tonight, I kept thinking about how much of a blessing this was for us. Noel Heikkinen and Paul Denherder were talking about community and how Riverview is becoming bigger while still staying smaller. But they also talked about how we, in the Church, need to and are called to care for one another...to help one another. I instantly thought of them giving us the furniture. And I don't know who to thank (Noel?)...but whomever it is, if you happen to be reading this: honestly...really...thank you so, so, so much. You don't know how much this has helped us.

God took care of us again when we got back from the honeymoon. We realized we desperately needed a surface to eat on and it was going to be too much work (practically impossible) to get my parents' old dinette set and would end up costing about the same to drive down and back up to get it (and potentially rent a UHaul). We needed to just spend the money and buy one.

We'd already seen a table and chairs at ValueCity for $250 (about the cheapest you can get), but we wanted to find a set that was higher up (pub seating). We went to the Meijer by our apartment. We saw one on clearance for $174, but the display was broken & in shoddy shape. Sure enough, it was their last one...not worth it. We needed to return some wedding gifts we got as duplicates to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. We received quite a bit of cash for the returns. We then went to Target...nothing. We decided we'd try another Meijer...we found the same dinette set, but it was marked for $250. They had one that was boxed up, so we took it to the register and it, too, was on clearance for $174!! We ended up paying under $60 for it thanks to our money from the returns!

Lately, everything we've needed to go spend money on has either been on clearance or the same thing was at a different store for cheaper. It may sound cheesy, but I thank God every time that happens. Sure, I might just be noticing it more, but I really do think it's kindof God's way of reassuring me.

Water bottle recall

2008-05-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

If you or anyone you know has been using a water bottle like the one pictured below, stop using it!

A colleague of mine asked her boyfriend to buy one for her after I told her that I owned one and how great it was. Well, he went to Moosejaw to buy one and there were none left. He asked an employee about it and they said they were recalled because something in the plastic has been causing cancer.

By the way...I'm 9 days away from marrying the love of my life!! I'm obviously VERY excited about this!! I can't believe it's so close!!

I've been subbing a lot in one classroom at Heartwood. It's been a blessing...other than getting sick from one of the kids...and a challenge. I was hoping it would turn into a long-term sub job to the end of the year, but no such luck. A parapro is coming back and can't work in a room with lifting, so the room I've been in is the only place they have to put her. So, my last day in the room will be next Tuesday.

I'm hoping all of this has made a good impression on the principal and will help me get a position in the fall. I get so many compliments and so much encouragement from the parapros...hopefully their compliments and opinions will reach the ear of the principal!

Ok, God. What's going on here??

2008-04-26T14:34:00.000-07:00

So, the last week or so has been pretty trying. The biggest blow came Friday...but I'll start at square one.

(In an effort to shorten this post, I'm sparing the details)
Basically...Sean made some really minor, common mistakes at work and was fired Friday. They won't tell him why. I also had to be taken to Urgent Care on Wednesday due to my IBS. I could barely walk it hurt so badly.

We're back to square one. We were counting on his job in so many ways. I can no longer only be a sub parapro. I have to find something part time, at the least. Sean is going to paint apartments again in the meantime, though the pay isn't as good as Alro was. Even more sacrifices will need to be made, but luckily, neither of us has ever been concerned with being rich! We may not get to go on any wine tastings on our honeymoon or do some of the things we were planning on, but honestly...all that doesn't matter. We'll finally be married!

It's pretty frightening, but we know that God will provide. We'll get by somehow. These are the times when your trust and faith is truly tested. Any prayers and/or job opportunities are encouraged and greatly appreciated.

I just want to say how amazing God is. We're not having a difficult time trusting God at all. Things will be tight, but we'll make it. Everyone has been very encouraging and helpful...telling Sean and I about job opportunities. So thank you to those who have done that!

Overheard

2008-04-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

I think it's time for some more Overheard at Heartwood....

This happened a while ago, but nonetheless.
Student: I'm gettin married after I graduate.
Me: Oh yeah? To who?
Student: Oh, I don't know. [Looks around the gym, then points to another classmate] Maybe her!

Same student, but this happened today....
Student: [Points to me] Hey! Do you gots all your veins in there?

Some other funny things were said, I just can't remember them. I want to just write it all down immediately, but that probably wouldn't look good.

I can't explain....

2008-04-14T20:23:00.000-07:00

I feel like my life is pointless. I don't know where I belong.

I know I'll feel better in the morning.

I have to start getting more sleep.
And praying more.
And reading the Bible.

Aaaalmost What I Was Thinking....

2008-04-09T14:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I satisfied the creative bug a bit. Not anything like what I was inspired to do when I wrote my last blog...but it was something. I just made two paintings for the apartment.

See. Not anything spectacular. The one on the top (for bedroom) is basically a carbon-copy of a painting I saw on Target.com. I just changed the colors. And the one on the bottom was inspired by a rug I got for the living room. Colors in the photos aren't entirely accurate...at all. Low lighting.

I do have to make some gifts that I do have some more artistic ideas for. So that's exciting.

Not much else to report of in the Land of Oz. I felt like having a slightly less emotionally-loaded blog post.

A Longing....

2008-04-03T07:05:00.000-07:00

I've been looking at some artwork online on various sites...Flickr, RedBubble, etc.
Suddenly, I became overwhelmed by this desire to create a work of art. Not necessarily by using my camera.
I want to paint something. Or draw something. I want to use various mediums to create it...a collage of paint, paper, twigs. Something not normal. Nothing revolutionary, just...different. Especially for me. I can be such a "think inside the box" kind of person.

I began to miss the days when I was in art school. I realized that in the past, I wanted my artwork to be praised and admired. Especially when I was at St. Francis University because the school is known for having a great art program.

I was always jealous of great artists. Both famous artists and fellow students. I wanted someone to be jealous of my talent. It was selfish and I fear most of my endeavors to create such masterpieces was in vain.
It seems cliche to call this an epiphany...but that's just what it is.

I simply have a desire to make art for art's sake.

The problem is...I can't go buy paint. My dad has some he's going to give me, but I forgot to get it last time I was in Indiana.
I'm afraid this "itch", if you will, might disappear if I don't act soon.

Say...what?!

2008-03-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

I've never been a big Wal-Mart shopper, but Sean recently read/heard about a pretty sick story that pretty much sealed the deal that I will never personally go spend money there. I will not support a company that does this to their employees:

"A collision with a tractor-trailer seven years ago left 52-year-old Deborah Shank permanently brain-damaged and in a wheelchair. Her husband, Jim, and three sons found a small source of solace: a $700,000 accident settlement from the trucking company involved.

After legal fees and other expenses, the remaining $417,000 was put in a special trust. It was to be used for Deborah Shank's care."

"Two years ago, [Wal-Mart]'s health plan sued the Shanks for the $470,000 it had spent on her medical care. A federal judge ruled last year in Wal-Mart's favor, backed by an appeals-court decision in August. Now, Deborah's family has to rely on Medicaid and her Social Security payments to keep up her round-the-clock care."

"The reason is a clause in Wal-Mart's health plan that Deborah Shank didn't notice when she started stocking shelves at a nearby store eight years ago. Like most company health plans, Wal-Mart's reserves the right to recoup the medical expenses it paid for someone's treatment if the person also collects damages in an injury suit."

"In cases such as the Shanks', in which injuries and medical costs are catastrophic, accident victims sometimes can be left with little or none of the money they fought for in court. Health plans increasingly are adopting language such as Wal-Mart's, which dictates that it is to be paid first out of any settlement, regardless of what remains for the injured person. Moreover, the victim is responsible for all legal costs in pursuing the suit."

What also scared me about this is the article stated "like most company health plans". So, apparently Wal-Mart isn't the only one.

Nonetheless, I won't be shopping there anymore. I won't go so far as to call people who do shop there terrible people...or vow to never set foot in Wal-Mart...I just won't spend my money there.

Reflections

2008-03-23T22:27:00.001-07:00

Easter marked the first time in a long time of returning to my former church in Fort Wayne, IN.

I'm gonna be a bit of an open book...and hopefully no one will get angry if they stumble upon this.

In the past, it's been somewhat difficult going back there. There certainly were some very, very good times. Amazing friends that I will never forget that played an instrumental part in my growth as a person and a Christian. But there were also some wounds. Let's be honest, when you spent 4+ years at a place, you're gonna have good and bad memories. I'm not trying to be negative by any means.

Anyway... for some reason my visits home always felt awkward. I feared people being angry with me for not calling, etc., etc. (Which is honestly mostly due to my insecurities and fears of people being angry with me). Going back, I used to flash back...to both the good and the bad times. But we know how Satan likes to attack, so it seemed like the flash backs to the bad were more intense...and more numerous (which I know is not the case).
And the "bad" times obviously weren't always another person's fault. In high school, I struggled with depression off-and-on. So, I had my own emotional and spiritual battles going on.

But this time...it was so...nice. For lack of a better word...seeing as how it's 1:30am and I'm tired (but I have these thoughts and want to write!)

I could go through and list all the people I saw again, but...I'll spare the reader. It was just...relieving to see people where there was tension before and to just walk up and give them a hug. Part of me was just determined to destroy that tension or awkwardness...because there's no place for it. Really, I was tired of letting Satan win and get the better of me. This time, I wasn't going to want to leave as soon as church was over.

I didn't see everyone I was hoping to. But I'm grateful I saw the ones I did. It made me miss everyone (not that I didn't in the past)...and I'm so glad for what everyone has going on in their lives right now...babies...college...marriage.

We've all changed a lot, but it's cool to see it happen. I wish I had an old photo from CDYC or something to stick up here, but I don't. Not on my computer, anyway.

Wedding Blog

2008-03-15T15:05:00.001-07:00

I made a blog just for updates about the wedding...so if anyone wants to read about it, go there.

It's A Nice Day for A White Wedding

Going from "I" to "we"..."me" to "us"....

2008-03-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

I just realized today how I haven't been adjusting mentally very well to being a wife soon.

A friend put it this way: becoming "one" with another person isn't quite something you just jump into.

It's hard adjusting from, as the title says, "I" to "we"..."me" to "us". The physical oneness will come later, so for now I'm/we're just working on the mental oneness. Sean, I think, is having an easier time than me haha.

But, now that I've recognized that I've been sucking at it, I can improve!

Ignorance and Immaturity

2008-03-05T12:40:00.000-08:00

I've been subbing at Holt Jr. High for Mrs. Dowling all week. I start out in Mrs. King's room...a class that's entirely made up of special education students. I'm there for activity and first hour. Second hour, I take 4 of the kids to choir.

Granted, I know this is middle school, so immaturity runs rampant. Nonetheless, I find myself getting really agitated when some of the other students laugh at, mock, ignore, or throw things at some of "my kids". Some of them are nice to them, but by and large, these kids are just plain rude.

One of the other students tried to hit one of my kids with a rubber band. He's lucky it missed. I gave him the evil eye teachers give students as if to say "I'm watching you." I felt ultra protective at that moment. I was just WAITING for him to try to fling another one.

And I just want to add this: that choir class is a complete joke. The teacher just has the students "sing along" to songs you'd hear on the radio. HOW is that choir?! Let's just encourage sexual behavior by playing those songs, shall we?

Ok, after choir, I take the kids back to Mrs. King's for language arts and I go to lunch. I come back, help for the remainder of the class, then take the kids to lunch. After lunch, it's back to Mr.s King's for pre-vocational. And finally, for fifth hour, I take 4 of the students to engineering.

I'm not entirely convinced this class is the best for these students. Even though "less" is required of them for the class, it still just...doesn't seem right. I tried explaining their assignment to them in simpler terms and it's literally impossible. The ideas themselves are too complex.

The kids had to take these small square pieces of paper, label the sides, and then tape them together to form a top, front, and right side. I forgot to take one of the student's box with me and she left it at home. The teacher said they needed them, so I told him I needed to make her a new one because I forgot to take hers for her.
He said something along the lines of "Well, geez-o-pete, can't she remember?" And I wanted to be like "Are you seriously that ignorant?! She's mentally handicapped."
The teacher aggravated me more than the other students.

Middle school students are expected to be slightly ignorant. But teachers?? C'mon now.
I suppose I have to have patience with some of the teachers just as I do with the students. Yet, were it not for being in the classroom, I would have said something to that man. And if the music wasn't so freaking loud in choir, I would have had a talk with that boy. I should have regardless.

This is crazy.

2008-03-02T06:28:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned this yet. This past Thursday, Sean and I filled out the paperwork and got on the waiting list for Castle Point.
The lady who helped us was the same lady who showed us the model. She was very energetic and very excited that we are going to be living there. She's very certain they'll have a first floor one-bedroom for us.

Ok, so, Sean told me last night that an old friend came up to him after the 6pm service and said that she'd heard he was getting married, etc., etc.
Then she says "Oh, this is my friend..."
It was the lady from Castle Pointe! Apparently she goes to another church and is on the worship choir.

Who knows, maybe this will help us get some special treatment...like getting things in our apartment fixed sooner. Probably not though haha.

[p.s. Unnamed person, if Dev didn't tell you...thank you. Thank you so much.]

"It's an exciting movie"

2008-02-29T21:20:00.001-08:00

Here's to finding the good things in this world.

Overheard at Heartwood.

2008-02-23T06:59:00.000-08:00

Me: You like to make people laugh, don't you?
Student: Yeah. [Points to other student] 1...2...3...LAUGH! HAHAHAHA.
[Points to me] 1...2...3...LAUGH! AHAHAHAHA!

And I couldn't help but laugh :-)
The second time he did it, I kept a straight face, then started laughing and he said

"That's funny right 'dere. You're funny."

Overheard at Woody's

2008-02-21T07:19:00.000-08:00

Dude to friend: To be honest, man, last night you had way too many falafels.

A visit, long overdue.

2008-02-20T06:46:00.001-08:00

I'm going to Indiana to visit for the first time since Christmas. I miss my family so much and I really need this. Not just for wedding planning, but simply because I miss them.

I find myself feeling really envious of people who have family so close. A short 15 minute drive and you're there. They have a bad day and they can just up and go to coffee with their mom. Sure, I can call my mom when I have a bad day, but I'm 2 hours away from any sort of physical comfort of getting a mom-hug.

And the past couple of weeks have just been one blow after another, so I could REALLY use time with my family.

I have a feeling this will get easier when I'm married, however. Not that I won't miss them, it will just get easier.

Why Lansing Sucks.

2008-02-18T19:57:00.000-08:00

Today, a man "with the city" came to the door to give us a written warning.
If our sidewalk isn't shoveled and salted within 24 hours, there will be a $25.00 fine.
I mean, this is somewhat understandable.

However, combine this with the "no parking on streets from 12am-5am" with a $9 ticket as the penalty and you get ridiculousness. It's seriously messed up that you can't even park in front of your own house without getting a ticket.
Yeah, the roads need to be plowed. But they never plow our street anyway!!
I know that is not a law in Indiana...and things were just fine. Just drive around the snow/parked car.

Grrrrrrrrr.

Oh, and what's even more ridiculous about the sidewalk thing: EVERY OTHER HOUSE on our street has their sidewalks salted...overnight.

Our neighbors hate us. That's all there is to it.

Overheard at Heartwood.

2008-02-15T05:00:00.001-08:00

Kevin*: (high pitched scream)
Chris*: Dats Kevin right 'dere.

*names were changed

That's the best I got cause I went home at 12:30pm due to feeling ill.

Recently, I've been stating that I don't want to go to France anymore, I've given up on the dream. I've been wanting to go since middle school and the opportunity either fell through or I decided to go on a missions trip instead.
It's still partially true. But, it's more like I'm...cautious. Guarding my heart just like any other situation.

Sean got me a book about France and wrote on the inside cover:
"If you don't want to keep your hopes up anymore, that's alright.
I'll keep mine up instead."
And I broke down and admitted "I still really do want to go."
He said "I know. Seriously. Let's save up."

I haven't given up on the dream yet.

Overheard at High School.

2008-02-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

I've decided that every day I sub I'm going to post quotes from students (or teachers if applicable) that I hear.
I work with disabled kids, so I hear tons of hilarious things every day I work. They are so precious!
I'm always telling people "So, today a student..." So I figured why not just blog it instead.
It will be my own version of Overheard in New York.

Teacher to Student 1: You're not behaving very well for our guests today.
Student 2: I'm usually the one acting up, but as you can see, I have improved.

Life will never be the same.

2008-02-06T04:23:00.000-08:00

I keep thinking about the family I used to work for.

Just a few minutes ago, I was walking back into my room and noticed the Thank You card they gave me on my last day. It hit me...that job changed me. Not drastically, but certainly in small ways. I will never, ever forget it...or them.

I can't even really put into words how I think it changed me. Other than I definitely think it solidified that helping people who are mentally/physically challenged is my passion and is what God has called me to do.

It stretched my comfort zone.
It helped me to learn patience and humility.
It was culturally enlightening!
It made me wish I was stronger some days...and made me realize how strong I am other days.

It's crazy to think how God used that job. How it was a "stepping stone" to where I am now. And where I am now is a stepping stone to where I'll be in the future.

I miss that family at least once or twice a week. Do I think I can/should go back? No. It's a weird dynamic. I feel like I should be dying to go back given how often I think about them...how the kids are doing...how the parents are.

So maybe I can put into words how it changed me.

Dreams

2008-02-02T11:32:00.000-08:00

I had a dream a few nights ago where I went to France. I was actually in Germany, but someone was going to pay my way to France. I was so happy to be going I was crying.
Then, when I woke up I nearly started to cry because the reality is I gave up on that dream a while ago. After the 5th time (literally) an opportunity to go "fell through", I decided I just couldn't take it anymore.
It's like my dreams won't leave me alone...like they keep haunting me with it.
It feels like a bad breakup. I just want to forget about it!

Sean and I's one year anniversary (of dating) is Feb. 24. Or Feb. 23rd, depending on how you look at it haha. It was technically at 1am 2/24/2007.
Nonetheless...it's been a year.

Here's something I wrote a few weeks ago.
Based on a true story:

She sat on her bed. So many things to get done, and yet she lacks the motivation to shower, let alone finish the to-do list.

The dress hangs in the living room closet.
Waiting.
She longs to be on display; to flatter every feature of the bride that chose her out of all the other gowns. She longs to be a part of that very special day; it's what she was made for. Like the bride, she knows there is much to be done before that day. The wrinkles need to be steamed out, for one!

I just want to try it on again. I just want to walk around in it. Just for a little while....
Then she remembers words from others: "Remember, you're not allowed to wear it before the wedding unless it's for fittings or alterations."
I technically haven't had a fitting...and I don't need alterations. So...this could just be my second fitting, impromptu-style.
Forget the rules. I'm wearing it.

The air is cold as she removes the dress from it's plastic home. It's even more beautiful than I remembered, she thought as she realized it had been quite some time since she had even glanced at the gown.

The bride is wearing her gown. Wrinkles in the fabric fade in the mirror.
The necklace!
It sparkles and shines, complimenting her collar bones.
The purse!
The champagne color matches perfectly--just as she'd hoped!
And the shoes!
Again, a perfect match.

It's all there. All the pieces are together. She begins to envision the future. And not just the wedding. Her future with her love. The man she's waited for all these years. She pictures the smile on his face...the sparkle in his blue eyes.

"I'm getting married," she whispers with a smile.

What have we done, Lord, to soil your name?

2007-12-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

" Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
~Colossians 3:13~

This is a profound thing Christ calls us to do. Believe me, there have been many times where it has been nearly impossible for me to forgive someone who hurt me and sinned against me. But one in particular took many years. It was painful and probably the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, but I knew I had to do it.

Christ calls us to do this for many reasons. One is simply to be good image bearers. If we do not forgive, how can people believe in the forgiving God that we claim to follow?

I've told people the story in detail. One response I got was: "How did you stay a Christian?" That response right there is a clear example of how the world looks at our responses to sin committed against us as an example of how God must be.

Another reason, and this is the main reason why I had to muddle through my forgiveness issues with a certain individual, is unforgiveness...bitterness...anger...these things, for one, are not from God. For two, it sits and festers in your heart.
One thing God told/spoke to me: "Your heart is becoming cold...slowly and without your knowledge. Do not let your heart become cold." The mental image of a heart surrounded by thick, black, nearly impenetrable matter came to mind. That was my heart. All because of one grievance. Not necessarily one instance, but many over the course of several years. But nonetheless...because of one person.

I could forgive the ex-boyfriends who dumped me because I wouldn't sleep with them. I could forgive the boy who caused such anxiety and fear in my heart because I thought for sure he was going to rape me. I could forgive the friend who would get mad at me for no reason and would refuse to speak to me. I could forgive all of that relatively easily. But this one person...this one instance...was something quite different all together.

But it doesn't end there. I did forgive. And while I don't know if this man is aware of the pain he caused or if he is aware that I have forgiven him (though I am considering writing him a letter), I knew it had to be done. Though I'd probably never see him again, I knew I had to forgive. Because God forgave me...and continues to forgive me. This is, by far, the greatest reason why I knew I had to forgive him.

This is why I would encourage anyone and everyone to forgive those who have hurt you. I know from experience it is daunting, painful, and incredibly difficult. But it's not impossible.